clinicals

i've started my second rotation of clinicals and the teacher i have now absolutely terrifies me. don't ask me why. she's very quiet and soft spoken and very calm. in fact, i don't think she'd yell if there was a fire. i don't think she'd yell if she was on fire.

but she makes me nervous. my first day on the floor, i felt like throwing up. actually, my first day on the floor was a disaster. i was fine on my own, but then when she observed me, i couldn't do anything right.

she quizzed me on medications and asked me about one particular blood thinning medication, which was given by injection.

"do you aspirate with this shot?" she asked, grilling me.

my mind went blank, and i forgot what aspirating was. she had to tell me.

"i know you learned this in skills," she said severely. i wanted to vomit.

it only got better. my patient was great, i had no problem establishing a relatonship and a good rapport, but my teacher didn't crack a smile. in fact, she made me feel ridiculous. i might as well have worn a big red nose and great big clown shoes -- i felt that clumsy around her.

but then again... i was clumsy. i also had to give pills, and dropped the container holding the pills, further impressing my (by now very unsmiling) teacher.

i also had to give an injection. my first one, and it was under her watchful, steely eye. i wondered if anyone had ever fainted while giving an injection and wondered vaguely what would happen if i did.

i didn't.

but my hands were shaking, and i was so terrified about jabbing a needle into a live human being, that i forgot how to hold the needle correctly and she had to show me. she probably thinks i'm an abyssmal failure. but i did it. and the person didn't scream in pain, and nothing horrible happened.

i didn't vomit either. i did however, have to use my inhaler several times. i felt like i had an elephant sitting on my chest half the time.

(great... i'm reading this and i sound like a basket case.... if my teacher ever saw this, she'd never pass me, she'd refer me to a psychiatrist)

so... we'll see if i can survive next week without vomiting or fainting.

practice makes perfect. my friend told me to make sure i knew the meds frontwards and backwards and then the teacher gets off your back.

so i'll try that little experiement and see how it works.